My mother-in-law has Alzheimer’s.  Alzheimer's is a disease that destroys brain cells, causing problems with memory, thinking and behavior severe enough to affect work, lifelong hobbies or social life. Alzheimer’s gets worse over time, and it is fatal. Today it is the seventh-leading cause of death in the United States.     

I understand there are different stages but I don’t know what stage my mother-in-law is in.  At 88-years-old, she can still get around although it’s obvious she is getting weaker.  She’s had several falls at the Assisted Living Facility but is too stubborn to use the walker provided.

Despite the fact that Nate (her son and my husband) and I visit her regularly, I don’t believe she has any idea who we are.  We are friendly faces that come to visit her.  We laugh with her and listen intently as she tells some of the same stories over and over and over again.  Her short term memory is shot but she can vividly describe things from her childhood. 

Today as we sat in the dining area, I kept looking at my husband and, somehow, felt his pain. Across from him sat the mother who raised him. But in many ways she was a complete stranger.  Yes, she was the mother he remembers working as a nurse, while maintaining the household.  She could bake the “best” biscuits and was meticulous about a clean house.  She was also a mother with a kind heart and spirit.  She was also the mother who uprooted her children from an alcoholic, philandering husband and moved them to a different location for a better life.  He owes her everything for her commitment to his upbringing.    

Even though he puts up a good front, I know it can’t be easy to watch his mother in this state of mind.  But she is still his mother and it’s obvious how much he loves her and has vowed to take care of her--- even if her other children refuse to help out.

Every day becomes precious when you’re affected by someone with Alzheimer’s.  Even though this is a Mother’s Day my mother-in-law won’t remember, it’s a day her son will never forget.

My prayers go out to you and Nate. As you know, my father had Alzheimer's. Watching him slowly lose all the things that were him - his poetry, his ability to care for himself - was harder than I ever imagined it would be. But we learned to latch on to the good times. As you said, short term memory suffers but long term is unaffected for quite a while. So watching him sit at the table and patiently teach my grandson Slovak is a memory I will always carry. Or watching him play with his great-granddaughter. He didn't always remember who she was but he knew that they loved each other and you could see that in their faces as they played. So grab the memories that present themselves like this Mother's Day and keep them in your heart. They are special.

You truly have a special husband. You are blessed that he does care about his mom. I know it must hurt to see how she doesn't recognize anyone. That has to be very hard. I experienced that with my husband who for 10 hours was not able to talk to us. His eyes were closed but couldn't open them and talk. It was like he was in a coma. That was hard for me, not being able to share our words with each other.

"even if her other children refuse to help out." As an only child this statement rang out to me. I have consoled myself with the fact that many have other siblings but are pained when there is no collaboration. Any time I do get help I count it as a blessing. It may bean a good homemaker or supportive husband.
How does one woman raise several children but several children can not take care of one woman? I am committed to more support for caregivers, more prayers and more insights. Thanks for sharing.

How hard to watch this happen to one of your parents. My dad was also living in an assisted living facility, where so many of the people had alzheimer's. You would hear them tell the same stories over and over.

My dad had some dementia, but he passed away before it got to the point of not knowing us. I think that was a blessing in disguise.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.